It’s one thing to find love, it’s another to keep and maintain love. Here are five secrets every woman should know about winning and keeping a man.
- He needs you to desire him.
One of the keys to learning how to make your man happy is basic, animalistic desire. In the pit of his stomach, he needs to want you, long for you, yearn for you. He needs to miss you when you’re not around and he needs to feel a pang of lust when he hasn’t seen you for some time.
This desire is created through the play of opposites. He’ll crave you and then he catches you; he’ll miss you and then falls into you; he’ll lust for you and then you’ll surrender to him. It’s the creating and the release of tension over and over again.
The way you create this tension is through your sexuality — tease him and then give in, playfully run from him and then allow him to capture you, add levity and spontaneity to his life, give him lustful stares and then leave the room, send him sexy notes during the day, grab him and kiss him unexpectedly. In summation, use your powerful feminine qualities to contrast his serious and calculated masculine nature.
- He needs your respect.
Respect is a cardinal virtue; it is the foundation of any relationship that endures and stands the test of time. Respect can help re-ignite a relationship long after the flame of love and lust has sputtered. Many men marry the woman who respects him, even over the woman who loves him.
Men may sleep with, talk to, and care about the woman they love (and lust), but often love only isn’t all they need.
A lot of this has to do with the term “I love you.” To a man and a woman, this term can have different meanings. A man may interpret it as “don’t hurt me” or even “you’re trapped.” Men see the love from a woman as more of a commodity than something novel.
Of course, the words make him feel good when he hears them, but they don’t sing to his soul. Men have crippling inadequacies they silently battle their entire lives.
So, figure out why you respect your man. What are you proud of him for? What can you acknowledge him for? How can you make him feel good about himself? Then, tell him. Don’t tell him merely that you love him, tell him why you love him.
Another way to express your respect is to apologize when you’ve made a mistake or said something wrong. You (and he) must make the relationship more important than individual egos. When he knows you respect his character, he will let you in deeper, exposing other tender parts of his soul where he needs healing and support.
- He needs to feel emotionally safe.
The third thing to keep in mind when learning how to keep your man happy is his emotional health. By surrendering your anger, bitterness, or any resentment you have toward him, you give him safe passage to be vulnerable.
This happens by you placing your trust in him. And then, he can trust you. You both allow yourself to be vulnerable and that helps a relationship work. But for this vulnerability to take off, women typically must be the initiators. Men are looking for someone to lead them into the vulnerable abyss.
It is a woman’s courage to open up and let down her guard that inspires men to lay down their psychological shields and relax.
So how do you do this? Well, it helps by learning how men think. He has to know that you won’t judge or criticize him. He needs to feel supported, accepted, and encouraged that you are on his side. He needs to know that you won’t tell your friends or (worse) your mother about any mistakes he makes. He needs to know that you’ll stand up for him when others say bad things about him. He needs to know that you’ll confront any injustices or problems head-on.
- He needs you to challenge him.
At the core of every man is challenge. Men grow through challenge. Challenge speaks to the part of their masculinity that innately makes them want to conquer and win. Challenge is the path men take to attain success, which ultimately makes them feel respected.
In a nutshell, it really comes down to having a strong sense of your own values — knowing what is important to you and standing by it. This creates the challenge that strengthens the relationship. Another element of this challenge is being able to confront a man when you feel like those values are compromised.
This may require you confronting him when you think he owes you an apology, rather than letting it fall by the wayside. When you can confront him, he’ll find you incredibly attractive. Even if his first reaction is anger, the fact that you can stand up to him will change the way he looks at you. It will challenge him to be a better man.
- He needs to feel awe and wonder when he thinks about you.
The final step in learning how to keep your man happy is good, old-fashioned excitement. Even acting a little crazy is a good thing; crazy, not insane — skinny-dipping in the ocean is good, but faking your own kidnapping because he’s been working too late is not.
All too often, women are taught to feel bad about being emotional, feeling crazy, and acting unpredictably. But these feminine qualities are actually attractive to men.
Embrace your femininity and allow it to enliven your relationship. This can help a man fall deeper and deeper in love with you.
When you embody your instinctual feminine nature, you create the space for him to say things like, “There is just something about her that I love.”