Culled from: www.juilal.com “Affectionate Boyfriend”
What you need to realize when it comes to expressing affections/love is that we’re all affectionate in several ways. In other words, there is no particular way of showing how much you love a person. Some of us have more than a love language.
You’re probably nodding your head, thinking you’re an affectionate person because we all see ourselves to be affectionate. The fact is that what you might consider to be affection might be someone else’s complete opposite of the term affection and this is probably the case if you’re wondering how to get your significant other to be more affectionate.
In our previous post, we talked about the “Five Love Languages” and how important it is to have a good knowledge of our love languages. That said, I’ll put it this way. Do you like hugs, touches, kisses and cuddles? I’m 100% a fan of the listed. But that doesn’t mean that everyone will feel this way.
Does that make them heartless? Not at all; it simply means they prefer to show they care in other ways like “Acts of service”, “Quality time”, “Words of affirmation”, etc.
As earlier mentioned, it is important to establish your love language whether you are different from your partner. Note if you’re super-affectionate and if they’re less so. If so, cut them some slack if you can think of other ways they show you they care.
Why your boyfriend might be less affectionate than you
It’s essential to think about why he might be less affectionate towards you. Have you noticed that some people don’t like being touched? There’s the possibility that he is less affectionate outwardly because of something which happened in his past or he’s going through some personal challenge.
Possibly he had a rough upbringing, he’s constantly under pressure from work or family, or maybe he was in a relationship without affection.
Past experiences have a way of shaping our present day. You also need to ask yourself whether you’re mirroring. This is sending same signal out. It’s like a reflection of light on a mirror surface. We sometimes do this without even realizing it.
If someone seems cold, we automatically act the same way, because it’s a defense mechanism and wall might go up.
Are you unaffectionate towards your boyfriend because you’re sensing that from him? This could make him even less likely to show you affection.
It’s a fierce circle, but it’s one you really need to examine before jumping to conclusions. If your partner was once affectionate and suddenly became less so, you might start to worry why. Are they seeing someone else? Are they at a crossed road? Why do they not care anymore? These are all very unlikely scenarios and one or more could actually be the problem.
Finding your love language
In getting your boyfriend to be more affectionate and loving, you must first think about your own love language. This is the way you express affection and love to your partner. For me, it’s cuddling, pecks, kisses, gifting my partner, making nice meals, spending quality time with my partner, etc. That’s my love language.
Secondly, identify your boyfriend’s love language. Note that part of how to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate is by understanding how he offers affection to you in the first place.
Does your boyfriend play fight? Mess with your hair jokingly? Does he send messages telling you nice things rather than say it to your face? These are all ways of being affectionate, but without doing it directly.
How to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate
1. Give him some assurance.
Possibly he’s afraid of showing it to your face because he’s worried about rejection. The way out is to assure him and make sure that you are showing affection back.
2. Flirt a little, do nice things, tell him what you like about him, etc and this will help him make necessary adjustment.
Make sure you’re actually giving him affection that he can recognize.
3. Face it head on.
Be very careful with this. You must approach this with caution and make sure you do it the right way. Don’t criticize, shout, or become overly emotional just to get your partners attention.
4. With reference to #1, be calm and open. Simply explain by telling/appreciating how much he cares about you and that sometimes, you just need a little reminder of love in a more direct way.
Remember, there is always a reason for the way someone behaves, and if it’s simply that he’s holding back because of past experiences, or he genuinely finds it hard to express emotions, becoming emotional or angry isn’t going to help the situation.